A Brilliant Poem: OVERHEARD

Overheard by Jonathan A. Reynolds strikes me as a brilliant poem.

It contains so many possible human emotions and points of view.

For instance, is it accurately describing "her" self-deception about "her" self-image?

Or is it revealing the faulty character of the observer, who is too critical?

Is there any degree of just cause for the criticism? Or is this simply a predictable expression of judgment by one for whom criticism is a habit?

Does it reflect the second thoughts of one who cannot - or will not - love his Beloved unconditionally? Is it a result of growing familiarity breeding contempt? Or is it based in some experience of being abused, ignored or unloved by the woman in question?

And who thinks these thoughts? A stranger, acquaintance, friend or lover?

If the observer is a woman, is the intent one of cattiness, with the desire to diminish the observed woman's greatness?

Or is the intent to register a complaint to the Universe - or confirm to oneself - that the observer has been ignored by a self-absorbed or self-aggrandizing friend or lover?

Is it based on insecurity, and the fear of being thought low class by association? Or is the observer annoyed because he has been ignored by the crowd gathered around the woman and feels unimportant?

If so, is the observed woman a mirror for the writer's fear of being inadequate? Is this, deep down, an unconscious criticism of the observer for himself? Would he like to be the center of attention, a center this woman has claimed?

Whatever the truth, "she" is a mirror for the observer, and the observer is a mirror for the reader. So what is the reader to learn?

Perhaps the lesson here is to love better, or to learn to receive love better. For when we are unable to receive love, we attract those who - whether through coldness or self-absorption - cannot give love, or cannot give it in the form we need.

Whether the woman in this poem is self-absorbed and holds back love, the observer is unfairly critical and holds back love from her, or the observer is jealous of the attention paid to the woman since he, himself, is unable to hold the crowds attention, the lesson is the same. The observer holds back love from himself in some way.

Our lovers hold back when we cannot receive. Likewise, the world as a whole will ignore us and not give us the respect or acknowledgment we crave when we cannot receive.

I imagine that this poem came into being as a result of the author overhearing a woman, and finding her to be too full of herself. The woman might have been a stranger in close proximity, a celebrity on television, a lover who no longer seemed so desirable, or a regrettable date. Whatever the circumstance, the observer found her vulgar. It seems a simple and all-too-common scenario.

Yet was she inferior goods? Maybe, maybe not. All perception is in the eye of the beholder.

Yet, certainly we have all stood in judgment of someone in this way. We have felt, perhaps, revulsed by someone whom we found false, someone who talked him or herself up, who claimed to offer gold, but had only brass.

We have all, certainly, felt either embarrassment or distaste over what has come out of some person's mouth, whether stranger or relative.

Interestingly, for me, the person that comes to mind as a result of reading this poem is Ann Coulter.

Yet, while we can ignore strangers and self-styled celebrities, it's tragic when a self-aggrandizing, critical - or even insulting - person pulls the wool over our eyes, enters our personal lives as a friend or lover, and then, like a bull in a china shop, does damage.

The lesson is always to learn to love ourselves so well that we do not attract such people.

Yet more than that, if we love ourselves well enough we will have no need to criticize others as entertainment, and will not, ourselves, turn into false friends who gain pleasure through cutting others down. In learning to love ourselves better, we are better able to love others.

The result is that we will create beneficial relationships in which we give and receive with equal ease.

Great literature gives voice to this constant struggle to form reliable and mutually beneficial relationships. Crucial to forming good relationships is the requirement that we both know ourselves and perceive the truth about our motivations. The Achilles Heel of the protagonist always centers upon his self-delusion and ignorance about himself, his motivations, and his weaknesses.

Yet it is difficult enough to pin down an accurate description of what we see and feel. Figuring out, then, what makes us perceive and feel as we do is so challenging that we seldom try. We tend to leave the topic of motivation to the speculation of writers and psychologists.

So isn't it marvelous when we read a good novel or short story and learn something about ourselves in it? We can consider our possible motivations dispassionately then, and without shame or guilt, because they are not labeled as ours, but those of fictional characters. And, just maybe, through observing the actions and motivations of characters similar to ourselves, we can learn some lesson on what to do, what not to do and how best to live.